INTERIOR. LIVING ROOM. – EVENING. A family going to bed. The father shuts off the lights. Once the coast is clear, the books begin to chat.

RICK

(‘Suspense’ on binding, eyes sprout near the top; whispering)

Amy! Aaaaammyyyyyyyy!

AMY

(‘Comedy’ on binding, somewhat loudly)

Yeeeeeeeesss?

RICK

(still whispering)

Shhhh! Gee WHIZ, Amy! We’re gonna have the bomb squad here with that kind of explosion; keep it down!

AMY

Nah. I lost my ability to keep quiet before high school. But relax! All’s quiet on the human front!!!

The books shuffle around a bit, scooting out from their organized spots to a more casual layout. Faces emerge from their covers, and their evening existence begins. Mild chatter.

RICK

(normal volume, calling attention)

Gooood evening folks! Let’s have our daily briefing, shall we? How ’bout we start on an upbeat? Tony, what do you have for us today?

TONY

(‘Inspirational’ on cover)

Well, did you see Mrs. Johnson today? She is positively electric. Love how that new gym is putting a spring in her steps.

RICK

Outstanding, good sir. You are capable of miracles. Alej? Any luck with Jenny?

ALEJANDRO

(‘Romance’ on cover, with a Latin accent)

SÍ, my friend. She is truly feeling a fire, which burns for her school crush, Jacob. If she continues to read, I see her asking him out within the week!

RICK

That’s just beautiful. Aaaaand, Donna! How’re the wild theories coming along?

DONNA

(‘Science Fiction’ on cover, British accent)

Well, nothing new since yesterday as I still haven’t been picked up in over a week, but I swear that last time I’d successfully convinced little Kevin of the possibility of time travel. I would like to take credit for top physics grades lately, thank you very much.

RICK

Great! Hmm…what’s he been doing instead of reading you?

DONNA

(looking down, a bit embarrassed)

Well…it’s not that far from reading…it’s video games…

A notable groan rises from all of the books.

RICK

Look, everyone, that’s just how young boys are! They need a bunch of interesting things going on at once to keep them sufficiently entertained. Let’s not jump to any kind of conclusions; speculation does not become a sturdy verdict. Errr, how about you Grolier, get some use today?

GROLIER

(‘Reference’ on cover, East European accent)

Oh, yes Rick! They had me on the kitchen table for a solid hour, looking up countries for Kevin’s book report on international foods! I felt like a movie star.

RICK

See!!! THAT’S what I’m talking about. Great going, bud.

GROLIER

It was thrilling. Positively thrilling.

RICK

And you, Amy? Still putting big Ben in stitches?

AMY

Hate to say it, Cap’n, but I’m afraid mister ‘man of the house’ has been too stressed about work to pick me up. He’s been sticking to Travis lately; I think the guy’s two TPS reports away from a red stapler incident.

TRAVIS

(‘Business’ on cover)

No need to fear, sister, that’s where I do my best work. Whenever the big guy’s been down on himself and unsure of the right call, I’ve always showed him that spark of innovation that’s most crucial. He’s pulling himself up by the bootstraps and ready to do battle. I can see that shiny new watch already…no steak knives for him, that’s for sure!

RICK

Riiight…well, keep it up, Travis. We all know that the last thing this family needs is financial troubles. Ben’s already put me down for Amy, and now Amy for you, so this one’s all yours.

TRAVIS

No problem at all. Wanna know why, Rick? ‘Cause, I close. I always close.

RICK

Uhh…sure. Great. Well, thanks so much everyone for everything you all do. I know I’m a sap and I say it every night, but it’s an honor to be shelved with you all. With our talents, there’s nothing we can’t help this family do.

There’s a mild rustle of remarks of thanks from the rest of the books

TRAVIS

That is, of course, ’til we’re phased out.

DONNA

Pardon? What’s that you’re saying?

TRAVIS

Oh please, don’t tell me I’m the only one aware of the way the world’s going these days…

An uncomfortable silence.

RICK

Stop being so glib, Trav. What are you talking about?

TRAVIS

Just look around you. Just this month, I’ve seen Alej get passed up for a ‘Rom Com’ on HBO, Donna for those video games, Amy for late-night Stand Up, and heck, even myself for a few TED talks and CNBC.

ALEJANDRO

Excuse me, señor? I do not think that one watching of ‘The Holiday’ is going to take the place of my words of wild emotion.

TRAVIS

Look, I’m not saying we’re completely gone yet, but we don’t have much longer. People, we are the last of our kind.

More silence. More uncomfortable than before.

Quite frankly, I’m fine with it. Bigger fish come along, and sometimes the best strategy, when you get down to the nuts and bolts, is to just get eaten.

RICK

It’s not like that, Travis…this family, they need us! They come to us for comfort, for joy, for thoughts and ideas. We, books, are part of the framework of their lives. We will not be phased out.

AMY

I mean…he’s got a point, Rick.

RICK

Huh?

AMY

I don’t want to admit it either, but when I’m lying there on the coffee table and Liza throws on some Comedy Central, I’m holding back some serious laugh seizures. Grolier, I thought I saw Kevin using his laptop for that book report…

GROLIER

Technically yes…but only for the recipes! I was still his main secondary source, and I am quite proud to be it.

TRAVIS

I’m sorry, but this is pathetic. Just learn to accept it like I have! Considering how rapidly technology is coming along, and how easy it is to get information or entertainment nowadays, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just stopped printing books altogether. Probably in America before anywhere else.

EVERYONE

(audible gasp)

TONY

Give it a rest, Travis. Everyone, before we all get too down about this, let’s not forget about who we are! Rick is right; we’ve got the power to inspire, to engage with our readers on the deepest of emotional levels. How about we all pitch in on a plan here? Any ideas?

RICK

Oh, I already got it figured out… We’re gonna write a letter.

TONY

Yeah! Err…wait, we’re gonna what?

RICK

We’re going to write a letter to the President of the United States. From the perspective of us books ourselves, we’re going to make our importance in the lives of Americans crystal clear, and knock any possible thought of stopping the printing of books right out of his head.

TRAVIS

How on EARTH are you going to write a letter?

AMY

Yeah…I hate to break it to you Richard, but we aren’t exactly writers. In fact, you might even say that we’re writees…

RICK

Listen, all we need to do is coordinate our efforts to sending this message to the family, and getting one of them to do it. With how much they read, I just know they’d feel the same way if we could talk to them about it. And that’s just what we’ll do.

DONNA

But HOW? I think you’re missing the whole HOW part of this. Even for me, this is pretty far-fetched…

RICK

First, let’s just sleep on it. Tomorrow, we’re going to begin planning something incredible. Believe it, my fellow printings. You are all important, and we’re going to make that loud and clear. Let’s do the impossible. For the first time, the writees shall be the writers.

The books all smile triumphantly, inspired by Rick’s speech, except Travis who is shaking back and forth in disapproval. They shuffle back to their spots, their eyes closing sleepily, except for Rick.

RICK

(whispering to self)

There’s gotta be a way…

End Scene.